Seemingly wandering around the lost souls, I always sought for bigger things, something big that brings change, something big that takes me to the highest of the skies or something big that can bring sorrow deep to my core. Yeah, I seek sorrow too and I never thought that small things would bring such deep pain that can bury my soul deep into the unconscious. Not until I was tied up in a cave facing the worst torture that one can imagine.
It was dark; the cave, deep and hollow. I could feel my soul shiver with the cold breeze coming from inside; cold like a dead body rotting from centuries of despair and misery, and the voice of water drops falling from the top; tick, tick, tick. When I heard of the worst torture one can think of, I again thought of something big, something that’d make my whole life a misery. Like cutting of my hands or legs or making me blind or just something that would hurt me real bad. You know what I mean right. As I was tied down deep inside the cave, under a pointy rock at the top from which a drop of water falls every second. They trimmed my head. I thought, “Yeah first hairs then arms, I know pattern.” But as my head became a clean shiny slate, the guardians starting walking away from me. With tons of queries in my mind, I shouted, “Hey wait, what about my arms? Where are you going?” And all I could hear is a giggle echoing around the cave and fading away just like the steps of the Guardians. But I didn’t lost hope, still I was waiting for some bear or lion to come roaring and rip me apart like I am some tool to sharpen their claws. Yet nothing came.
With the passage of time, I realized that this was my punishment, tied up alone in the cave and I thought to myself, “WTF man! Is this really the best they could do? They should put me in charge; I will teach them what it means to give torture and this… I could stand here all day long for the rest of my life. It’s not torture man.” With such disappointment, I thought of cheering myself up. My heart began to dance in the world of my imagination with the song written by my mind and sung by my consciousness. But something was just not right… The feeling that something is wrong but you don’t know what, it was disturbing. My heart couldn’t dance, my mind couldn’t write the melody, my consciousness couldn’t sing. I was disturbed but I didn’t know why. “Was it the shivering coldness?” I asked myself, “Or the darkness that surrounds every inch of the cave?” I just couldn’t find out why? As the time passed, my disturbance began to rise too. Fighting with my peace inside and the reason outside, my concentration flipped out of my own self for a moment and I heard the sound, tick, tick, tick, tick. I looked up and a drop of water fell into my face and dispersed in the vast field of skin around. I looked down and as the second passed, another fellow dropped on the long football field that was made a while ago. Then I began to realize, the song of torture played by the orchestra of cave made up of drops of water, stalactites and darkness that surrounds the environment. It was the start of the worst torture ever.
Slowly and gradually it begins to move towards you, it stuns your senses and right when you are at the peak of your vulnerability, it strikes with a fatal attack that leaves only one option for you, suffering.
At first, I didn’t even notice that the drops were even there but as the time passed, those drops were the only thing that I could see. That one second interval between the dropping drops became the longest short time I have ever experienced. Half of the second, I try to recover myself and the other half I build up courage to face the other droplet. My body wants to sleep and my mind wants to rest but the drop wakes up every hair in my body as it knocks at one point again and again and again and again and again. The more it dropped, the more I broke and the more it disturbed. I wondered myself that how can a small drop of water can disturb my body, my mind and even my soul to such extent. I was able to get hold of it and tried my hell best to fight with it, until I couldn’t. My body gave up on sleep and my mind gave up on rest as I realized the eternity of the pain I was going to suffer. As it continued to fall upon me; its weight began to raise, its edge sharpened and its effect became stronger. The endless cycle of torture that started as a weightless drop of water whose existence didn’t even felt became the wrath of God that destroys the eternal soul itself.
I never thought that small mistakes when repeated again and again can give such everlasting pain. The more they are done, the heavier they get unless you are smashed under the over-weighted burden of it. Like loud voices of your parents and siblings, ignorance of your loved ones, and constant pressure of the society, they are not some big incidents but they have bigger impact. Those little acts shape us, may it be in a positive way or negative. So if you are trying to do good for someone or trying to change a certain individual, don’t go for over dramatic stuffs, start with something small, be consistent and patient and see the wonder yourself.
It’s Jabir… See you around.